Digging (Scared To Death)

Posted: March 2, 2016 in Uncategorized
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I had an amazing weekend with most of it being spent with my three sons. I a wonderful Sunday with my mother stopping by and making a home cooked lunch for us all consisting off smoked chicken, maccoroni and cheese, deviled eggs, cheese biscuts and brownies.

It was also was a celebration where my five day alkaline diet was completed and I lost eleven pounds and felt much stronger and more focused.

Then Monday came and so with it, an unexpected event confronted me for the first time since last year. My positive rush and drive was interrupted by an influx of feeling not worthy of things. Talk about the opposite direction.

Honestly, I had asked a woman out last month to a movie and was turned down. You that happens, its fine and I went on without a worry. She said she didn’t want another relationship for a while and I can understand that.

Then, a couple weeks later, the same woman begins dating her old boyfriend again. Now that is good, if she is happy and things work out, who wouldn’t want anything else. I found my self hung up yesterday on honesty. If the reason is because you may rekindle your romance with an ex just tell me so I know the truth and really understand how your feeling. To tell someone something untrue to not feel bad about the truth possibly hurting them only makes things more difficult for me. I want others to be happy, just call a spade a spade and let me know there is no chance of every going to a movie with you.

Then to make it a bit more awkward, I ran into this person and found I could say nothing. She then offered to help me with a task that I had and I accepted because it was very kind of her. My Monday was worsened when I decided to thank her on Facebook through a message but found that we were no longer friends. I reckon the whole Mars Vs. Venus idea plays in.

So it set my Tuesday up as a return to a solid state and back on track. While it was filled with some setbacks, I came home and began to dig into writing more query letters to literary agents. Now, some four hours later, I am scared to write any of them.

Some agents want exclusive rights to look at my work for six weeks, that is a lot of trust. Then I was told that if they are not interested, they just won’t reply, leaving me to realize that I wasted six weeks of my life and won’t be getting the same courtesy in return. One agent had a blog where she posted real query letters of writers and picked it apart with a fork online for others to read. Then allowed others to comment on the authors letter as well. Talk about cutting down the author. Its painful to be rejected by an agent but to be displayed in that matter is not what I want from my agent.

One agent suggested I take a month and review the ‘proper’ process for submitting work for consideration. In a blessed life where tomorrow is never granted, I am not testing my God by working so hard to only take a month of trying just to fit into the ‘systems’ need for simplicity. Thank you for the advice but if you want my query to be so polished that you can comb your hair in it then we are not going to make a good literary pair.

I wrote one agent tonight. This agent had very plain, easy to understand and very inviting form of submission policy. it had details but invited you to follow them rather than scaring the living hell out of you with rule after rule after rule. I write children’s books, therefore I think like a child a lot, rules and children are not always met.

Now I am sitting here worried to write any more agents. I’m raw and I like who I am. I don’t write the most perfect query but that’s fine by me. I have sat down with many elementary readers and read to their classes and had the kids explode with delight. I don’t need a literary agent sitting in a lofty office a thousand miles away to tell me my book will sell. The kids have spoken for themselves!

I know there are many good agents out there that are kid like themselves and it is my goal to find them.

I’ve been at this for almost five hours now and my oldest son is home from a basketball game. I will be back into The Boondock Kids tomorrow night. Thanks for being there tonight, I needed to vent.

Have a great Wednesday and Live With Passion!

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